Ambiguity
by ghikiJ
Summary: Every action can mean different things. And thus no one could ever be sure what that action does mean in actuality. Sai ponders in the ambiguity of her actions. Oneshot.


This is my first try at having Sai as a lead chara in a fic. I might've gotten him OOC for the reason that I still don't have enough material to study his character with. Even with the latest manga, Sai's character growth has been limited so I improvised. I hope it's not as bad as I think it is.

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Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of its characters**

**Ambiguity

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"Oi Ugly stop drinking already." Sai told a rather drunk Sakura while sipping his tea.

"You asshole I'm not drunk and I'm just eating ramen." She barked back at him.

Sai looked at her from the corner of his eyes. Sure enough, Haruno Sakura was indeed sipping the delectable soup of a bowl of ramen in Ichiraku. Although the bottles of sake right beside the bowl wasn't convincing him otherwise.

He sipped his tea again. Sai doesn't want to know why he was, in fact, with the ugliest woman that ever walked on earth, let alone eating supper with her. He also doesn't want to know where Sakura got the habit of drinking from…even though he was pretty sure he already knew. This is what happens when the Hokage herself was a drunkard. The habit was easily passed on to the student apparently and now Root Anbu Sai was stuck with a deliriously drunk Haruno Sakura.

He was glad that she's drinking the soup, it'll clear up her already messed up head a bit.

Acting as a bodyguard for Haruno Sakura wasn't in his job description and Sai was a bit ticked off about it. Of course, being emotionless as he was, the irritation wasn't obvious or maybe even nonexistent. One thing's for sure though, he was ready to leave the medic on her own devices, go home and paint. Even in his extreme case of artist block, Sai deduced that his time would be used more productively in drawing doodles rather than watching over a drunken girl.

"My head hurts…" She complained.

He looked at her from the corner of his eye again, "You wonder why…?"

"Pssh…" She hissed before taking another large draught of the soup.

Where was the dickless wonder when you need him anyway? Why was he doing this? Sai was now convinced that this it the most pointless thing he had ever done in his life. He doesn't even remember he got dragged into this mess anyway. Oh wait…Naruto dragged both of them to eat then just left with something along the lines of, "training…" Sai just blinked. Was he just fooled or was Naruto telling the truth? He looked from the corner of his eye again, whatever it was he got stuck with the ugly Haruno Sakura.

"Oi Ugly…go home." He said in an aloof tone.

"I don't want to yet…I go home, I'll only see papers upon papers of work sitting on my kitchen table." She answered.

"Procrastinating was something I never expected of you Ugly." He curiously said. Of course Sai studied Sakura profile even before he met her and nowhere in those documents did it say that Sakura was a procrastinator.

"Well I'm sorry I'm only human…I can procrastinate whenever I want to." She said, her voice a bit slurred. She drank the hot soup one more time and wiped her mouth with her forearm.

Sai was watching her and lifted an eyebrow. Whenever she wants to…? That was absurd. Her files say that she doesn't procrastinate so she couldn't just say that she can procrastinate whenever she wants to, unless she lied in her profile.

Sakura groaned and dropped her head on the table with a thud, "My head's pounding…great I have a heartbeat in my head too. I thought one heart was enough." She then lifted head up in a very slowly and almost painful manner and took it in her hands.

"I'm not touching sake anymore…" She said, her voice muffled by her hand.

"No one told you to touch a bottle of sake in the first place, Ugly. You brought it upon yourself." He said in a matter-of-fact way.

"Shut up…I've read that this stuff can make you numb for a while. Damn lying books…I feel worse than before I started." She groaned again.

Sai raised his brow once more and blinked confusedly. Numb? As in feeling nothing? What the hell? Why did she want to be numb?

After massaging her head, Sakura stood up clumsily but was able to maintain her balance after a while. Sai stood up after her.

"I'm going home, take a shower, procrastinate and sleep. I'll do those papers tomorrow." She muttered before taking clumsy steps with her head in her hand.

Sai just followed his teammate with his arms crossed. What the hell's wrong with her? He stared at her back, no glared holes in it, trying to figure out what in the world was wrong and why she's so different. Was alcohol that powerful? Maybe he should research on it sometime.

"Sai…teach me." She said, not turning to look at him.

Sai blinked before he answered, "Teach you what…?"

"How to become numb without alcohol because I am not touching sake for the rest of my life..." She said, obviously still massaging her pounding head.

Sai didn't answer but he was baffled. Here he was, still learning about emotions then she suddenly blurts something like this. It's as if being numb was a trend all of the sudden.

Without hearing his answer, Sakura started to walk again.

He only followed silently.

She continued to walk in silence even though her steps were still obviously intoxicated. At least the alcohol was keeping her body warm in this chilly night. She just walked silently, pondering with a mind that was flooded with alcohol. Everything was blurry, incoherent. All Sakura knows was that she was walking in a lazy fashion and that nothing mattered. Maybe this was the numbness that book was talking about.

"Why do you want to be numb?" Sai's voice pierced the silence.

Sakura stopped and closed her eyes, "I'm tired…"

"Of what…?" he asked curiously.

"Everything…I just want to get away from it all for once. I don't want to worry about everything. I don't want to worry about this mission. I don't want to care." She answered.

It wasn't a secret that they were going to be dispatched again for another Sasuke retrieval mission. No scratch that…Sasuke assassination mission from the Hokage herself. The 6 allotted months that they given were up and now that Uchiha Sasuke's nonexistent, Team Kakashi can't do anything but to kill him. Well not technically kill the Uchiha, Sai thought, but kill the Snake Sannin. The body transfer was completed and Uchiha Sasuke was announced dead.

Sakura took the news in stride, Sai thought at first. Her eyes just widened and then she just nodded in acceptance. When he looked at Naruto though, it wasn't his eyes that did the talking but the spasms of his fists. He calmed down after a deep breath though.

Sai and Kakashi didn't see either of them for a week though.

To Sai, what he witnessed was what he could recognize in the textbooks as anger and pain. Kakashi later told him that it was regret too. Regret was an advanced emotion, something that Sai hasn't been versed well yet, so he just nodded.

They came back and then dragged Team Kakashi, including Yamato to Ichiraku. It was as if nothing changed but after spending months with this team, observant Sai noticed that Sakura wasn't as cheerful and Naruto ate a little quieter than usual. For some reason Sai felt shamed that he doesn't know more about 'advanced' emotions to understand why they were acting like that.

Then earlier today…

The Hokage summoned them for a mission. Kakashi's unusual restlessness was a clue to what Team Kakashi had expected to come. The Godaime announced that they are one of the several teams that would bring end to Orochimaru and Uchiha Sasuke once and for all. Kakashi tried to protest, knowing the complications this would have to the team but even the Copy Ninja wasn't able to win against the Hokage when she said that they are one of the few fire power to hold up against the Snake Sannin.

They had to accept.

The whole team was deafeningly quiet the whole day. It suited Sai nonetheless but it did make him weary. The silence made him feel vulnerable. In Root Anbu training, silence usually meant a trap or enemies nearby. When Naruto invited everyone to eat at Ichiraku, it brought relief to the broken team.

"Are you going to answer me or not?" Sakura's voice snapped him out of his reverie.

He still didn't answer.

Sakura grunted and started walking again, "Please don't be too much like him. Talk for crying out loud!"

"What am I supposed to say?" Sai asked.

"I don't care. Anything…insult me I don't give a damn, just talk."

Sai blinked. What was he supposed to talk about? He was raking his mind for something to come out of his mouth. The sound of her silent sobbing stopped even thoughts in his head to move.

"Please talk Sai…please. I don't want silence anymore." She said quietly, almost incoherently for her hand was over her mouth, "I don't want to talk to a shadow anymore. I want to talk to a living person, please Sai say something."

"Sakura-san…" He feebly said. There was nothing to be said when one knows little about the person. There was nothing he could say, nothing he could offer. Even emotions ran scarce.

It hurts to hear her talk like this.

Sai slowly walked up to her in an attempt to place a hand on her shaking shoulders. His fingers trembled as his heart pounded. Each beat shot an agonizing pain in his chest. Was this the consequence of emotions? If it was…

He reached for her and awkwardly placed a hand on her shoulder. He can't say anything. He doesn't know what to say to pained friend. A suffering blossom.

Her sobs dwindled after long tedious minutes, "Oi Ugly…snap out of it."

She placed a hand over his and turned to him, tears staining her face and yet…she wears a smile there on her lips.

"Arigatou…Sai-kun." She said in her usual tone of voice that was refreshing to hear after a long time of hearing that other Sakura that was even more confusing to Sai.

He nodded.

She passed out.

But this time she didn't fall to the ground.

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_**They said that actions speak louder than words**_

_**But how can we hear these unuttered words when we're numb?**_

_**Is pain too much of a consequence**_

_**That we are afraid to feel emotions?**_

_**Do we always see running as a solution?**_

_**If so why?**_

_**Are we all cowards?**_

_**Running away would always take us on a loop**_

_**We finish where we started**_

_**Difference is none**_

_**All we can do is run and gather courage**_

_**For when we reach our finish line**_

_**And our starting point**_

**_We are ready_**

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Well what did you think? Not the best of my writing but I am still experimenting. Please tell me if I have gotten stuff wrong and what not in your reviews. Thanks for reading.


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